Boris

John's eyesight is so bad that the foreman at the building site sacks him because its too dangerous for himself and his workmates.
So he applies for a job, as a storeman, he's been told of, in a local timber yard.
When the gaffer interviews him he picks up on his eyesight problem straight away, and asks,
" how on earth are you going to identify the wood your serving to any customers if your eyesight is bad and getting worse."

"Well," he replies, " I've been in the game so long all I need do now is feel the grain and smell the wood and I know exactly what it is."

"Right I'm going to test you then", says the gaffer, and returns with two pieces of wood.

"The first one is Malaysian mahogany, from the north of the counry and is 2"x1". The second is Scots pine from the shores of Loch Ken and is 12mm x 15mm.

The gaffer is right p****d off that he's got em spot on and says " I've got one last one for you and if you get this the jobs yours."
" just wait here till I get it ready its a big piece on the bench next door"

He comes back and blindfolds John and tells him "he can't touch this one he can only smell it" thinking I'll fix the b'stard this time

Next door he's got his secretary, b*****k naked on the table and places Johns nose near the crack of her a**e and tells him to sniff.

"Turn it over" said a puzzled John. with his head in a similar position on her front he takes a big lung full.

"Well," he says "with all my years in the trade, there's only one piece of wood in the world that can be."

"The toilet door off a Grimsby trawler"

very funny boris, just cleaning it up a bit sorry