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Major Earth Quake appeal

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  • Major Earth Quake appeal

    A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Epicentre: Barnsley, England.
    News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "choffin-norah".
    The earthquake decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.
    Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Radio Barnsley reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Barnsley.
    One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning".

    Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

    So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

    Can You Help....?

    Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the victims of this disaster.
    Clothing is needed most of all, especially:
    * Fila or Burberry baseball caps

    * Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)

    * Shell suits (female)

    * White sports socks

    * Rock-Fort boots or any other product sold in Primark

    Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference. Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal.

    Please do not give anything that requires peeling.


    * 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims

    * £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9

    * £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

    Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells

    Please do not send tents for shelter.
    The sight of such posh housing will cause discontent in the surrounding
    South Yorkshire communities.
    Regards Billy Boy :)

    .`.??.??`.??.??`.? ><((((?>
    .`?.??.???`?.??.???`?.? ><((((?>

  • #2
    quality top notch
    sensas /total angling


    • #3
      i have forwarded this joke to the Barnsley Chronicle on your behalf with your full address Weldec i am sure they will print it (your address that is ) and i have descibed your van
      In darkness we do what we can
      In daylight we're oblivion


      • #4
        Larry thankyou on my behalf.
        Regards Billy Boy :)

        .`.??.??`.??.??`.? ><((((?>
        .`?.??.???`?.??.???`?.? ><((((?>


        • #5
          i rember reading in the paper a couple of years ago 4 assylum seeker's travelled all the way from france in the back of a wagon not knowing where it would finish up. anyway it finished up in barnsley, when the assylum seeker's got out and realised where they were, they gave themselves up to the police.