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few jokes

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  • few jokes

    As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic wardens funeral a voice screamed out from inside the coffin "I'm not dead let me out!"
    The vicar smiles leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters " Too late pal but the paperworks already done"

    I joined a dating agency the other day. It asked me what I liked most and i said "girls from page 3"
    I wondered why I had no replies until I realised that the "p" wasn't working on my keyboard.

    Whenever my wife is cooking I like to walk up behind her, slowly stroke her hair and whisper into her ear......" Lets order a pizza"

    My wife told me to buy her something that made her look sexy.
    She didn't look to impressed when I came home with two crates of beer.

    Hodgson has announced the starting X1 for his first England game.........
    Wobinson,Wichards, Tewwy,Wio, Bwidge,Bawwy,Gewwawd,Wwight-Phiwwips, Wooney, Cwouch and Stuwwidge.

    I accidently swallowed some scrabble squares earlier today.
    Going for a dump later could spell trouble!

    Just seen some statistics on the most common way that people walk when drunk.
    Its staggering.

    Just got a new 3D tv and I can tell you its good.
    Fell asleep watching the Liverpool game when I woke up my wallet was gone.
    Up the Villa

  • #2
    Made me chuckle


    • #3
      very good
      To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.