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    I have a new chat up line that works every time!
    It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman may be this line is a winner
    I 'always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes.
    'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
    ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
    I've walked out of the local 'take away shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage.
    A ragged man sat on the floor near the door said "I've not eaten for two days."
    I told him. "I wish I had your will power."
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    A woman buys a wall mirror from B & Q, the manager says, "would you like a screw for that mirror ?"
    She said no, "but I'd give you a blow job for a lawn mower !!!"
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    Top tip; If you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you, that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex........... .
    Wish me luck ! I appear in court next Monday.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A fat girl served me my order in McDonalds at lunch time, she said, "sorry about the wait "
    I said "don't worry 'tubby you'll lose it eventually."
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Paddy is walking along the road eating a bag of doughnuts.
    Murphy meets him and says "if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one ?"
    Paddy replies "if you can guess how many doughnuts are in the bag you can have both of them! "
    .......Murphy says "Four!"
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Snow is forecast " the weather girl announced, then added further, " she was expecting 8 inches tonight."
    I thought to myself, she'll be lucky with a face like that !
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