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A few more

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  • A few more

    Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered
    sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges
    may vary).

    Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard
    asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when
    I replied, "Facebook".

    Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in
    tears though - she's crap at snooker.

    Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my
    feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

    Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a
    small white area so I've called him Bradford.

    If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of
    ham then delete it. It's Spam.

    They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong
    but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift
    this beer belly.

    I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in
    Indian sweatshops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers
    the little s deserved it!

    When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a
    cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

    The local deli ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather,
    fortunately, my elderly neighbour Ethel has plenty stacked up on her

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    News flashes:
    1. Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing
    involved, it's all tongue and groove.

    2. A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's
    definitely race related.
    3. Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have
    announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
    4. I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest,
    but explaining they were not a dating agency.
    5. The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was
    anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience
    did try to warn him.

  • #2
    Brill bud


    • #3
      Superb Mate........


      • #4
        very good
        To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.


        • #5
          some gooduns in amongst them mate